little footprints

"Some come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.-- Anonymous


Im going to write this post to let everyone know why I believe everything happens for a reason- Even if we can't understand it as it is happening.
please know this was hard for me to write & may be a little hard to read. It feels good to tell this story & hope that it brings comfort to others.


One of my best friends Jon & I had this conversation about a year ago & it changed the way I remembered one of my best friends.
But first, a little background....
there's something you need to know about my best friend-He may have been a little stinky, he may have had terrible bathroom habits & was a little hairier than the majority of my friends but what boys aren't?.. He always comforted me. He never had to say a word; but I knew he understood everything that I was feeling & he always knew how to make it all better. His name was Carter & he was my little yorkie puppy who passed away just 2 and a half years after we met.


I was so excited when I moved home after college & begged my parents to let me get a puppy. Since I graduated early, all of my friends were still in college & I needed some company. 
My mom hopped on board & even helped find some ads in the paper. My dad however, took a little more convincing. We had seen an ad in the newspaper advertising Yorkie puppies- 2 males, Only $250 to a good home! Instantly I knew this was the one. We arranged to pick him up that day! my sister, her boyfriend & my mom all hopped in the car on our way to bring home my pup! 
it was a rainy day & as we pulled into the parking lot of our meeting spot I could feel the excitement building up in my chest. we pulled up next to a rinkity old pick up truck & as the window rolled down I peered into the tiny box on the front seat as the old man said "2 males- have your pick". I was instantly drawn to the little boy with the blue string around his neck. When the old man told me his name was thunder I just knew i had to take him. 
The old man told me he didn't have papers & he was part of an accidental litter between his pet yorkies. Looking back on the whole situation, this is an important thing to remember.

look at that precious little face

I scooped him up & held him in my hand the entire way home- he just stared up at me with the cutest little eyes I have every seen. He took a little time to get used to the house & it took my dad even longer to get used to him but eventually they both came around. Carter was a part of my life- the best part of my life (for the time)
I took him everywhere- and when I say this, i mean EVERYWHERE. To work, to parties, on trips to visit friends at school- I zipped him up in my jacket until his little head peered out & he just sat there, content to just be close to my heart. And thats exactly where I have kept him to this day.
**ah, this is getting harder to write**


Carter joined me on my journey to columbus & waited for me when I came home from work i would walk down the stairs to my bedroom & i would see his little head pop up. As I bent over to let him out of the cage, his little tail would incessantly wag bag & forth until I picked him up & gave him a hug. 
I had a rough time when I first moved down to Columbus, but that little pup would snuggle up on my bed with me & try to dig his way under the cover. He would press his little wet nose to my cheek & as I turned my head to kiss him, he would beat me to it. that little stinker always knew how to brighten my day & I often I would think to myself- I honestly don't know what I would do without you.
 the next part of this is going to be very hard for me to write (and maybe hard to read-warning now!). Some of you may think how crazy it is to have such emotion over a pet. but what is important to realize is that he was more than just a pet, he was a constant companion- the first one to wake me up in the morning & the last one to kiss me good night. He was the happiest part of my life for a long time & I realized after he passed that his purpose in life was to teach me a very important lesson.


I remember the first call that started my nightmare- I received from my sister while at work. She said "i just checked on Carter & he was just laying in his cage- not moving. He is breathing & i picked him up but he just layed there.
He didnt wag his tail when he saw me & i don't know whats wrong."
I rushed home from work and then to the first trip of many to the vet. They said they didn't know what was wrong (little did I know this is a phrase I would become accustomed to hearing over the next 6 months)
They gave him some fluids & sent him home. Over the next few months Carter would have random seizures. Several vets ran tests on him & said the next step would be surgery- they thought he had a problem with his liver-common in inbred yorkies. (i had no idea about these issues & now only believe in AKC breeders & puppies with papers) They decided to try some different food to lower his protein count & hopefully avoid any serious seizures. How could this be? He was just 2 years old! The vet said that often times these problems do not show up right away, until the puppy has a chance to fully develop. I tried my best to stay positive & when I met Scott he really helped raise my spirits. One day I received a phone call from Scott while I was at work- he said that I needed to come home right away that he thought carter might have had a bad seizure & he wasn't moving.
I rushed home to my puppy only to see that every time I stood him up, he would fall over-He couldn't even walk. This was absolutely heartbreaking. I rushed him back to the vet & they said he was extremely dehydrated but they couldnt tell if he had a seizure.  They gave him a shot of fluid in between his shoulder blades that made him feel like a water balloon. I remember thinking to myself what tough cookie this little pup was. I stayed home from work with him the next day & we snuggled up on the couch together. How could I leave him when he needed me the most, after he had been there for me so many times?
to be honest-I was afraid of leaving him.

My mom came to visit that weekend-Scott invited her in hopes of getting me out of the house & hopefully taking my mind off the recent events-but I couldn't leave his side. We decided we would sneak him into the movie with us- in the comforts of my purse. He sat there & didn't make a peep the whole movie & Id like to think he enjoyed the laughter of "iron man" as much as we did that night.


the next week is when things turned for the worst. 
I will never forget how the dogs (roxy & patch) would take turns laying by Carters Cage, watching over him. Its unbelievable how animals have this sense when something is wrong. below is a picture of patch watching over andre (my new little puppy) but this picture reminds me of how she watched over carter that entire week-never leaving his side.

I had all but given up on my traditional vets who after countless visits continued to tell me they had no idea what was wrong with him & why he wasn't moving. I decided to try our luck with a holistic vet in westerville- it was pouring rain on the way there- I had wrapped carter up in a blanket & as I got on the highway Carter sat up and started getting sick. Ive never seen anything like that. I brought him into the vet with tears filled up in my eyes & begged them to help my baby. I thought his organs were failing and this was the way his body was telling me.
The doctors there were great, they cleaned him up, gave him water & took some xrays. Within 10 minutes of the visit they had an answer for me. His hip was dislocated-the reason for his immobility. His leg had probably gotten stuck in  a link of his cage while having a seizure. A simple surgery & he would be back to his normal self. I instantly had hope! they sent me home with some natural pain killers & an appointment for surgery the next week.
I finally fell asleep that night feeling relieved. I would have my baby feeling better & back to his normal bouncy, loving self in no time. 


That morning, I propped carter up in his bed with a new water dish. one he wouldn't have to struggle to get to. I fed him his pain killers & left for work.
I felt great. At lunch, Jon & I decided to go home to check on Carter. The sun was shining & we both sang & danced in our seats on the drive home-how crazy it is how life can change in an instant.


As I walked up the stairs to bring Carter down from his cage, I hit the top stairs & I felt something I have never felt before. A sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something just didn't feel right. I will never be able to explain this feeling but it was almost an instinct- that I shouldn't open that door. that I will never forget what I found behind it that day. 
Im not going to go into detail of the next few moments because it is heart breaking to relive that moment.  
All that is needed to know is that my little angel passed on to join God that day, June 6, 2008.


The next few months were absolutely heartbreaking. I felt that I lost a whole piece of my heart that day. All of my friends that knew him know how true this was. sometimes I find myself reliving that awful moment & I ask God why?
its so easy to get angry over losing something so special. I would blame myself for being selfish-for saying I couldn't live without him. 


I learned something else that awful june day- how caring my boyfriend Scott was... He took care of everything. He called my mom & had her come down to meet me. He took care of wrapping up my baby so I could say my last good bye. and then he held me all night & let me cry into his arms. He never said a word-he just held me so tight & it was exactly what I needed. It was just like I always had in Carter- a silent partner to comfort me when I needed him the most.


so this brings me back to the conversation Jon & I had a year ago. Jon loved that puppy & understood exactly how I felt & what I went through with him.
One day He asked me, do you believe that Carter was put in your life for a reason?
and I had one simple answer... yes-
I believe that God gave me Carter to get me through those rough years after college- to Teach me that life is so precious and can change in an instant. To appreciate everything & everyone that you have & to never lose sight of that.
And especially to thank God for every moment you have together.
I believe that when I met Scott, Carter knew that I would be okay. That I would be taken care of & he could move on.. Maybe thats a little deep for a dog, but then again, he was no ordinary pup.


I always told Scott I needed something to change my mind of the Date June 6th, that I needed some happy memory to replace the sadness of that day.
after a couple months of wedding planning we realized that we had accidentally chosen June 5th as our wedding day. What better memory to celebrate how precious life is?


Id like to believe it was just another way Carter & God guided our lives together.

in memory of my "Mr. Poop"- Carter

11.3.05 - 6.6.08